If ye have love... Jeffrey r holland

“If Ye Have Love One to Another”

I conclude with the most important discipline of all, connecting and converging and conveying the many meanings of all our other disciplines. I speak of discipleship, our devotion to the Father and Son and the gospel they brought, for it is the gospel of Jesus Christ which gives all ultimate meaning to the nets and controls and boundaries that mark the dimensions of the court on which we improve ourselves.

Every year as school starts, I worry through the days and nights, praying you will be safe and happy and successful. We want you to have friends and to feel welcome and to feel loved. And we want you to understand that only you can provide those guarantees to each other. In a world which has some strife and stress and disappointment, we will never have too much friendship or too many arms extended to bear us up and lead us forward. When Christ came to his final days with his disciples, he summarized all that he had said to them in one great reminder, fearing perhaps that when their own disappointments came or when pressures would increase, they might not be able to recall every commandment on every scroll and every teaching from every discourse. He then said, as if there were but one way to remember it all,

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciple, if ye have love one to another. [John 13:34–35]

The brotherly and sisterly expression of that love is the ultimate test of our loyalty to him. It is our highest form of discipline.

All of us have seen this special miracle work again and again, whether that be in our own lives, in the lives of our family, or in the lives of those with whom we’ve shared some experience. I remember vividly the dreadful circumstance into which a young lady had managed to fall several years ago. She was not a BYU student but was a Latter-day Saint, and yet her very life seemed to be disintegrating before our eyes. As a result of trying to play with the net down, trying to live without rules and without restraint, she was experiencing the moral and spiritual stupefaction of a broken marriage, illicit moral behavior, dark drug abuse, and finally physical violence. She was descending into a personal hell from which no one seemed to be able to retrieve her and from which she personally did not have the wish or the will to turn away.

Her mother and others who had great concern for her had been in contact with me. Her Church leaders had tried to help. All seemed to no avail. The weeks became months, and human life unraveled before our eyes.

Then something happened. A lifelong friend of this young woman contacted her and tried, with love, to open her eyes and touch her heart. When neither her eyes nor her heart seemed to be yielding, this friend, this sister in the family of God who understood Paul’s reminder that when one member suffers all suffer with it, grabbed the lapels of her friend’s heavy winter coat and shook it with all her might. She shook her with all the strength her 105 pounds could muster, and, sobbing, she said through her tears, “Look at yourself. Don’t you see what you are becoming? Look at yourself! I can’t stand it anymore. I love you, and you’re breaking my heart.” At that she let go of the lapels of the big heavy coat and with tears streaming from her eyes turned and ran away.

The young lady whose life was in such jeopardy later recalled for me her response to that encounter. She said, “I don’t know exactly what happened in that moment. Perhaps I am not likely ever to know. I had been talked to by many people, and little of it had meant anything to me. But if I live to be a hundred, I will never forget what I saw with my eyes and heard with my ears as this my childhood friend looked at me with utter anguish and screamed into my soul, “I love you, and you are breaking my heart.”

Today that girl is the beautiful, happy, safe, and productive young woman which she once had been and which surely God meant her to be. She has been remarkably successful in a graduate program at a very good university. She is fully active in the Church, and she is devoted to a life of responsibility and respectability—all because someone in her own way said at the right time and with the right intent that whatever disappointments there had been, these two were forever sisters and disciples of Christ. That stunning declaration not only changed a life, but it quite literally saved this one. We need such brothers and sisters nearby us.

We also need a Father in Heaven who stays by us in our times of necessity and fear. A great Christian writer once said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” (C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain (New York: Macmillan, 1967), chapter 6, p. 81). We may find in our lives that God’s love for us may also require a good firm grasp on our lapels.

“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:35). May God bless us with controlled and disciplined lives during this coming year while we learn and grow and love together. This is a wonderful time in your life and this is a wonderful place to be. Good luck, with the net up, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Am

Advice for the full time Mums out there by Elder Faust in 1982

"Homemaking is whatever you make of it. Every day brings satisfaction along with some work which may be frustrating, routine, and unchallenging. But it is the same in the law office, the dispensary, the laboratory, or the store. There is, however, no more important job than homemaking. As C. S. Lewis said, “A housewife’s work … is the one for which all others exist.” ^...

Women today are encouraged by some to have it all: money, travel, marriage, motherhood, and separate careers in the world. For women, the important ingredients for happiness are to forge an identity, serve the Lord, get an education, develop your talents, serve your family, and if possible to have a family of your own.

However, you cannot do all these things well at the same time. You cannot eat all of the pastries in the baking shop at once. You will get a tummyache. You cannot be a 100-percent wife, a 100-percent mother, a 100-percent Church worker, a 100-percent career person, and a 100-percent public-service person at the same time. How can all of these roles be coordinated? I suggest that you can have it sequentially.

Sequentially is a big word meaning to do things one at a time at different times. The book of Ecclesiastes says: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under … heaven.” ¹² There are ever-increasing demands on women that challenge their traditional role of caregivers. But as women, the roles of wife and mother are in the center of your souls and cry out to be satisfied. Most women naturally want to love and be loved by a good man and to respond to the God-given, deepest feelings of womanhood—those of mother and nurturer. Fortunately, most women do not have to track a career like a man does. They may fit more than one interest into the various seasons of life.

I would encourage you sisters to develop all of your gifts and talents to move forward the work of righteousness in the earth. I hope you acquire all of the knowledge you can. Become as skillful as you can, but not exclusively in new careers at the expense of the primary ones, or you may find that you have missed one of the great opportunities of your lives.

Sister Faust and I urged our daughters to get an education, not only to help them in their homemaking but also to prepare them to earn a living if that became necessary. Going to college or a vocational school is a wonderful experience, and the dollars, the effort, and the time prepare the student to have a marketable skill.

I cannot tell you young women what educational skills you should acquire. That is for each of you to decide. You have your agency. Each of you will have to work very hard to learn all you can and develop your talents. It is not easy to achieve anything really worthwhile. I want only to tell you what will bring you identity, value, and happiness as a person. I also challenge you to reach your potential, to become a person of great worth, to become a great woman. Because most of you have the examples of great women in your family, each of you has a model to emulate."

Becoming meek and lowly in heart by Pat holland, byu 1986

"President Ezra Taft Benson warns us that one of Satan’s greatest tools is pride, which can “cause a man or a woman to center so much attention on self that he or she becomes insensitive to their Creator or fellow beings” (“This Is a Day of Sacrifice,” Ensign, May 1979, p. 34).

Satan uses that very delicate line between self-confidence and pride to blind us. He can keep us so frenzied in our efforts to protect our self-esteem that we are blinded to the one quality that would assure it—true dependence upon the Lord.

The Lord reveals his secrets to the meek, for they are “easy to be entreated” (Alma 7:23). Indeed, I have come to realize that my own personal promptings from the Lord most often occur when I have been brought down into the depths of humility and suddenly feel a lot less confident in my own ability and much more dependent upon the Lord. He certainly uses my pain as his megaphone for an otherwise dull ear. I am beginning to see that the very experiences I would have chosen to run away from at the time have really been the major motivational turning points in my life. Perhaps this is the reason President Spencer W. Kimball, who achieved so much success through humility, said he worked on that challenge every single day of his life. He knew that if we were to achieve success in this life and eternal life in the world to come, we would need to become totally dependent upon the Lord.

When asked how to remain humble, President Kimball offered this formula:

First, you evaluate yourself. What am I? I am the circle. I am the hole in the doughnut. I would be nothing without the Lord. My breath, my brains, my hearing, my sight, my locomotion, my everything depends upon the Lord. That is the first step and then we pray, and pray often, and we will not get up from our knees until we have communicated. The line may be down; we may have let it fall to pieces, but I will not get up from my knees until I have established communication—if it is twenty minutes, if it is all night like Enos. . . . If it takes all day long, you stay on your knees until your unhumbleness has dissipated, until you feel the humble spirit and realize, “I could die this minute if it were not for the Lord’s good grace. I am dependent upon him—totally dependent upon him.” [TSWK pp. 233–34]

That kind of counsel may not sound like something Alex Keaton can handle, but perhaps the rest of us could give it a try.

It seems very clear to me that if we can have much more confidence in the presence of God, then we will not be nearly so dependent upon nor need the approval, the acceptance, and the admiration of men. And we remind young Alex what the Lord has promised in return, “I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing—yea, even more than if you should obtain treasures of earth” (D&C 19:38).

May I share with you the greatest testimony I have of this truth. I have silently watched over the years as the confidence in the young man who once tried to kiss me has turned from youthful courage to perfect faith and total dependence upon the Lord. He has always gone to the Lord for help, but never more than now—and never more than for you. And even though he is getting a bit lumpy, graying at the temples, and retaining more of his laugh wrinkles, his lowliness of heart makes him beautiful to me.

It is my prayer that we might have eyes that really see how pride can destroy our peace. And that our ears might really hear when he calls, “Learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matthew 11:29; emphasis added). Of that I bear testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

Happiness... The reward of righteousness - Elder Cook

This is taken from the 2014 byu womens conference address by Elder Cook

"the reward of happiness. The question raised here is, how do I provide enough advantages for my children to be happy and successful in life? Lucifer has created a counterfeit or illusion of happiness that is inconsistent with righteousness and will mislead us if we are not vigilant. Many of the problems across the world are occurring because the secular world has been pursuing an incorrect definition of happiness. We know from the Book of Mormon that this problem has existed throughout all generations. We also know the blessings that come from living the commandments. In King Benjamin’s marvelous address, he states, “I would desire that ye would consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they might dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it.”28

Over many years I’ve followed a research project that commenced in the 1940s. Initially there were 268 men in a premier university who were periodically studied over their entire lives. Later, additional groups were included as women became part of the study. The study covered approximately 70 years. The doctors had continuous interviews with these men and women. The goal of the original study was to find out as much as possible about success and happiness. The study showed that college entrance scores and grade averages did not predict either success or happiness in later life. One area where there was a high correlation was childhood family happiness. The successful, happy adult usually reported that their mother in particular verbally expressed love and affection and did not use severe discipline. Both parents were demonstratively affectionate with each other and available and accessible to their children, with whom they had warm and emotionally expressive relationships. The parents created a stable family environment and were believed to have respected the autonomy of their children.

A concluding book on the study, published in 2012, reports: “Many measures of success throughout life are predicted less reliably by early financial and social advantage than by a loved and loving childhood.”29 A warm childhood correlates with achievement more than intelligence, social class, or athleticism. The study also found that what goes right in childhood predicts the future far better than what goes wrong. The study as a whole indicates that even when there are significant challenges and some things go very wrong, most children are very resilient, and the trust that is built by loving relationships with parents, especially the mother, can result in lasting lifetime happiness.

What was interesting to me, but not surprising, was that the study was completely in line with what the scriptures and the Church have taught about the family. The emphasis the Church has made on family home evening, family prayer, expressions of love, family togetherness, and family traditions are the very kind of activities that the study indicated would produce happy, successful adults. While Nephi begins the Book of Mormon expressing gratitude for goodly parents, the real lesson to be learned is that we each determine what we will be so that our posterity can happily report that they were born of goodly parents.

Dear sisters, the most important thing you can do is to make sure your children and those you nurture know that you love them. Love is the key ingredient to happiness."

Sheri dew - byu womens conference - sweet above all that is sweet

I have just been blown away at this 2014 byu womens conference address on grace!  It is incredible!

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SWEET ABOVE ALL THAT IS SWEET

By Sheri L. Dew (BA ’77)

Through grace, the divine enabling power of Jesus Christ, we have equal access to all the blessings of heaven.

Not long ago I was assigned to speak to women on the subject of grace. A dear friend who knew I was wrestling with that message sent me an e-mail that I’m sure she meant to be helpful. She wrote: “Here is what I hope you cover in your talk: What is grace? How do I gain access to it? What difference does grace make in my life? Can it help me with loneliness, with overeating, with bad relationships, with weaknesses and temptations, with insecurity, with heartache and stress? Can it help me with my husband? Is grace always present, or do I have to do something to get it? Is it a feeling? How can I tell when grace is helping me? Okay, those are the questions I want you to answer.”

I responded with a one-liner: “Are you sure that’s all you want to know?”

Her e-mail led me to ask another friend what she wished she understood about grace. “To tell you the truth,” she said, “TV evangelists have wrecked that word for me. I almost feel disloyal to the restored gospel even talking about grace. I mean, do we believe in grace?”

I then asked a friend serving as a stake Relief Society president to ask her presidency what they wished the women in their stake understood about grace. This is a spectacular quartet of women who have logged decades of service. And yet, after a long discussion, they said, “We don’t think we know enough about grace to even know what to ask.”

The disturbing irony in all of these comments is that the central, most compelling, most life-changing message of all time is that Jesus Christ already triumphed over sin, death, hell, and every kind of misery. Surely there is nothing our Father is more eager for us to understand than the breathtaking scope of the Atonement of His Son and the power the Atonement makes available to us. Because the key to unlocking the power of covenant women and men is covenant women and men learning to unlock the power of Jesus Christ.

With this truth in mind, let’s consider four of my friend’s questions.

What Is Grace?

My father had many virtues. He served faithfully in the Church his entire life. I doubt he ever missed home teaching in 60 years, though his home teaching route was a 100-mile round-trip. My earliest testimony of priesthood power came from him. After his death, we heard story after story about his quiet generosity. And my father’s word was gold. But my dad had an Achilles’ heel—a temper he never conquered. We knew he loved us, but we often bore the brunt of his anger.

One afternoon a few days before he died, I was sitting at his bedside as he slept. Suddenly, I found myself asking the Lord to forgive him for years of angry outbursts. As I prayed something unexplainable happened to me. In an instant I felt decades of hurt simply fall away. The feeling was spiritual, but it was also tangible. I could remember his anger, but I couldn’t feel any of the pain. It was gone. It was “beauty for ashes” (Isa. 61:3). It was sweet.

That is grace. The amazing power of grace. No earthly remedy could have done for me what the Savior did in that moment. It was the redeeming power of Jesus Christ that prompted me to pray for my father and even gave me the words to say; and it was His healing power that healed a lifetime of wounds.

The scriptures explain what I experienced. In Lehi’s vision of the tree of life, most of those he saw either never entered onto the covenant path or they got lost somewhere along the way (see 1 Ne. 8:18, 23, 28). But one group held fast to the iron rod, pressed forward to the tree and partook of the fruit, and heeded not those who mocked them (see 1 Ne. 8:30, 33–34). The fruit made them happy and filled their souls with “exceedingly great joy” (1 Ne. 8:12). It was “sweet above all that is sweet” (Alma 32:42).

What is this fruit that Nephi said was “most desirable above all things” (1 Ne. 11:22; emphasis added)? The fruit is the Atonement, which is the most tangible evidence of the Lord’s incomprehensible love for us. Grace is the power that flows from the Atonement and is how the Savior continues to manifest His love for us. The Bible Dictionary says that grace is “divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous . . . love of Jesus Christ . . . . [G]race is an enabling power.”¹ The Savior empowers us with His grace not because we’ve earned it, but because He loves us perfectly. That is why grace is sweet. It was grace that I experienced at my father’s bedside.

I’ve never really liked the word sweet. I love things that taste sweet, unfortunately. But the word sweet has always seemed a bit insipid. When I was a student at BYU, being called a “sweet spirit” wasn’t necessarily a compliment. But I have come to understand that when we feel unexplainable peace or hope, love or comfort, the Lord is manifesting His grace, and it is truly sweet.

Years ago, I heard a woman I admire as a student of the gospel say that when she saw the word grace in the scriptures, she substituted the word power. Her counsel helped me begin to make sense of many scriptures for the first time. When we talk about the grace of Jesus Christ, we are talking about His power—power that enables us to do things we simply could not do on our own.

The Savior has “all power” in heaven and on earth (see Matt. 28:18; Mosiah 4:9; D&C 93:17). He has power to cleanse, forgive, and redeem us; power to heal us of weakness, illness, and heartache; power to conquer Satan and overcome the flesh; power to work miracles; power to inspire and strengthen us; power to deliver us from circumstances we can’t escape ourselves; and power over death. When the Apostle Paul said, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Phil. 4:13), he was describing grace.

Grace is divine power that enables us to handle things we can’t figure out, can’t do, can’t overcome, or can’t manage on our own. We have access to this power because Jesus Christ, who was already a God, condescended to endure the bitterness of a fallen world and experience all physical and spiritual pain (see Heb. 4:15–16).

Elder David A. Bednar (BA ’76, MA ’77) explained that

the Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities—but also for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and the inequities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us.

There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first.²

Because Jesus Christ atoned, His grace is available to us every minute of every hour of every day. It is this power that ultimately enables us to do what we came to earth to do. Grace is divine enabling power.

What Difference Can Grace Make in Our Lives?

One Saturday I worked all day trying to make a dent in a long list of looming deadlines before joining my family at the temple for a niece’s endowment. As I walked into the chapel and sat down, the tears started and would not stop. Exhaustion and the sheer fear of letting people down had me undone. I opened the scriptures and through tears read, “The Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace . . . that we have power to do these things” (Jacob 4:7; emphasis added).

What the Nephites in this verse had power to do was work miracles, and did I ever need a miracle! Because of the Nephites’ faith, they could command in the name of Jesus and the mountains and waves of the sea would obey them (Jacob 4:6). As I read these verses, my mind raced over countless times the Lord had helped me before, and I felt a surge of faith. For the first time in weeks, I felt peace. Peace from the Prince of Peace. It was sweet.

We all know what “overwhelmed” feels like. If there are times when you think, “I can’t handle my children or my checkbook or my illness or the urge to eat brownies at midnight or the lack of a husband or the lack of a good husband or a family who doesn’t appreciate me one more day,” you’re not alone. The Savior’s divine empathy is perfect, so He knows how to help us. He rarely moves the mountains that stand in front of us, but He always helps us climb them.

Because of Him you don’t have to confront grief or insecurity or an addiction alone. With His help, you can resist temptation. With His help, you can change, forgive those who’ve hurt you, and start over. With His help, your capacity and energy can increase. With His help, you can be happy again. The Savior promised, “My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

We are among the “weak things” the Savior is talking about. His grace can change our very nature and over time transform us from who we are into who we can become.

What difference can grace make in our lives? It can make all the difference!

How Does the Savior Make His Power Available to Us?

Elder Bruce R. McConkie said that “if it were not for the grace of God, there would be nothing—no creation, no fall, no mortal probation, no atonement, no redemption, no immortality, no eternal life. It is God’s grace that underlies all things [and] . . . that makes all things possible. Without it there would be nothing; with it there is everything.”³

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (BA ’65, MA ’66) added this clarity: “Much of the miraculous help we find in the gospel is just that—a miracle from heaven, the power of divine priesthood, the attendance of angels administering to us through a very thin veil. These are gifts from God, manifestations of His grace.”⁴

Every divine gift and every spiritual privilege that gives us access to the power of heaven comes from Christ or through Christ or because of Christ. We owe everything to Him and our Father in Heaven, including the privileges of receiving the gift and power of the Holy Ghost; of receiving personal revelation and gifts of the Spirit; of being endowed in the temple with knowledge and priesthood power; of learning the “mysteries of the kingdom” (D&C 84:19); of having the Lord on our right and on our left and his angels round about us (D&C 84:88); of receiving all the blessings of the Atonement; and of receiving eternal life, “the greatest of all the gifts of God”(D&C 14:7). We owe every divine gift and all access to divine power to the grace of Jesus Christ.

No wonder Eliza R. Snow said that Latter-day Saint women “have greater and higher privileges than any other females upon the face of the earth.”⁵ I stand with Eliza on this. The grace of Jesus Christ gives us access to the Holy Ghost, to angels, and to countless gifts of the Spirit, just to name a few.⁶

But there is one privilege LDS women likely overlook—the privilege of having access to priesthood power.⁷ Too many of us think we don’t have this privilege. But that is not true. Women who have been endowed in the temple have as much access to priesthood power for their own lives as do ordained men.

Four key points underscore this truth: First, priesthood keys are the manner through which the Lord authorizes the use of and distributes His power—for both women and men.

Second, there are distinctions between priesthood keys, priesthood authority, and priesthood power. Priesthood keys are required to authorize ordinances, priesthood authority is required to perform ordinances, and priesthood power is available to all who worthily receive ordinances and keep the associated covenants.

Third, both men and women who serve under the direction of priesthood keys serve with divine authority.⁸ Elder Dallin H. Oaks (BS ’54) has explained: “We are not accustomed to speaking of women having the authority of the priesthood in their Church callings, but what other authority can it be? . . . Whoever functions in an office or calling received from one who holds priesthood keys exercises priesthood authority in performing her or his assigned duties.”⁹

And fourth, men and women have equal access to the Lord’s highest spiritual privileges. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the house of the Lord. Elder M. Russell Ballard declared that “when men and women go to the temple, they are both endowed with the same power, which by definition is priesthood power. . . . Access to the power and the blessings of the priesthood is available to all of God’s children.”¹⁰

Though women are not ordained to an office in the priesthood, in the temple we are endowed with priesthood power and with knowledge of how to use that power.

Women have other privileges as well. We aren’t required to be ordained to enter the house of the Lord and officiate in priesthood ordinances there, though men are. Further, when women serve in any capacity under the direction of those who hold priesthood keys, we have full access to the power that flows through those keys, just as men do. Covenant women never lack for divine authority.

Further still, God’s highest ordinances are available only to a man and woman together. In this single doctrinal provision, God indicates His respect for the distinctive but vitally interconnected roles of both men and women.

And finally, women have claim to all blessings that emanate from the priesthood. Again, from Elder McConkie: “Where spiritual things are concerned, as pertaining to all of the gifts of the Spirit, with reference to the receipt of revelation, the gaining of testimonies, and the seeing of visions, in all matters that pertain to godliness and holiness . . . —in all these things men and women stand in a position of absolute equality before the Lord.”¹¹

Most important, we live in the dispensation of the fulness of times, when no spiritual blessings are being withheld from the earth (see D&C 121:27–29). No women living anytime, anywhere have had greater access to divine power than we do. If we seek for a lifetime, we won’t plumb the depth of power and breadth of spiritual privileges the Lord has given us. Through His grace, He has made His highest spiritual privileges available to us. That is our doctrine. That is the truth.

What Must We Do to Gain Access to the Savior’s Power?

I recently visited Harvard and felt smarter just walking across campus. But later that day, I went to the Boston Temple, and the contrast between one of the world’s elite universities and the Lord’s house, which is the institution of highest learning, was striking. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said that “in contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to become something.”¹² Our access to divine power hinges upon who we are becoming.

I doubt we quote any scripture on grace more often than Nephi’s, that “it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Ne. 25:23). Covenant LDS women have a tendency to zoom in on the “after all we can do” part of the grace-and-works equation, but this scripture is not about sequence, and it is not about feverishly working our way through an exhaustive list of good works. Jesus Christ is the only one to walk this earth and do all that could be done.

Doing all we can do is about the direction we’re headed and what kind of people we are becoming. Doing all we can do is all about discipleship.

At the heart of becoming disciples is doing what we promise to do every time we partake of the sacrament—which is to “always remember” the Lord (Moro. 4:3; 5:2). This means remembering Him when we choose what media we’re willing to expose our spirits to. It means remembering Him in how we spend our time and when choosing between a steady diet of pop culture and the word of God. It means remembering Him in the middle of conflict or when temptation looms. It means remembering Him when critics attack His Church and mock truth. It means remembering that we have taken His name upon us (see Mosiah 5:7).

None of us has mastered this, but it is our quest, because conversion to the Lord requires immersion in His gospel. If we constantly immerse ourselves in a fallen world, how far can we really expect to progress in this life? I am not suggesting that there aren’t fun and even inspiring opportunities all around us. I love ball games and four-wheelers and snow-shoeing and Broadway plays with the best of them. But mortality is a short-term proposition. None of us will stay here long. Doesn’t it make sense to devote as much energy as possible to things we can actually take with us?

Discipleship is not easy, but it is easier than not becoming a disciple. Paraphrasing President Howard W. Hunter, if our lives are centered on Christ, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. But if they’re not centered on Christ, nothing can ever go permanently right.¹³

As disciples we can ask for more energy, more revelation, more patience, more self-discipline, more hope, more love, more healing, more happiness. We can ask for miracles, for freedom from pain, and for the desire to forgive. We can ask for more faith and for help in becoming better disciples. And we can ask for angels to walk with us.

Not long ago I was assigned to make a sensitive presentation to a group of senior General Authorities—which is always a little nerve-racking. I prepared the best I could and sought the Lord’s help—even asking if angels could accompany me to the meeting. Things went better that day than I had expected—which should have tipped me off. As I walked back to my office thinking, “That went pretty well,” I had an immediate impression: “You don’t think you’re the one who did that, do you?” I realized instantly that the Lord had indeed sent help.

I can’t think of a single thing I’ve ever been asked to do that I’ve been equal to. But therein lies the beautiful intersection of grace and works. When disciples do their best, whatever that is at a given moment, the Lord magnifies them.

Doing all we can do is about becoming and behaving like true disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ. That is our part.

What one thing would you be willing to give up, starting today, to put the Savior even more at the center of your life? What one thing would you be willing to do, starting today, to unlock more of His power? The Savior’s grace is what will enable us to do what He is counting on us to do in the twilight of this great, culminating gospel dispensation.

The Lord is hastening His work, and we are right in the middle of the hastening (see D&C 88:73). I loved it when a sister opened a recent Relief Society meeting in Houston by praying, “We are grateful to live in this day, when we are preparing the world for the return of Jesus Christ.”

Think of it! The eyes and hopes of every previous dispensation are upon us. We have been chosen to help prepare the world for the Savior. Because this day is unlike any other, it is time for us to do things we have never done before. And that includes working harder than we’ve ever worked to unlock the Savior’s power. Because the key to unlocking the power of covenant women and men is covenant women and men learning to unlock the power of Jesus Christ.

I know how tangible the Lord’s power is. I was in my early 30s when an opportunity to marry evaporated overnight and the heartache plunged me into depression. One day a friend called to say she’d had an impression that a verse in Mosiah was just for me, and then she read the verse over the phone: “I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, . . . and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions” (Mosiah 24:14).

I’m sorry to say that I hung up feeling even more discouraged. As foolish as it sounds now, I wasn’t looking for the Lord to ease my burdens, I just wanted Him to send me my husband! I could not face being single one more day. I was sure that if I prayed and fasted and went to the temple enough, I could convince Him to bless me with this righteous desire. I wasn’t thinking about standing as a witness. I was far too preoccupied with myself—which is what happens when we try to lift our burdens alone.

Weeks stretched into a year, and with all of my praying and fasting and temple-going, I was still single and miserable. But then one day I noticed a verse in Luke where the Savior declares that He has come to heal the brokenhearted (see Luke 4:18). The word brokenheartedjumped out at me, because my heart was broken. I was still pondering that verse a few days later, when I found myself meeting with Elder Bruce C. Hafen (BA ’66) about a manuscript he’d written on the enabling power of the Atonement. I took that manuscript home and devoured every word. It opened my eyes to scriptures and divine promises I had never seen before: that the Lord would heal our wounded souls, that He had already taken our pains upon Him, and that He would succor us (see Alma 7: 11–12; Jacob 2:8). I realized that I didn’t know very much about the Savior, and it simply isn’t possible to be a disciple of someone you don’t know.

Fast-forward 30 years. In some respects, my life hasn’t changed much. But in other ways, everything is different. That painful episode was a vital turning point, because it launched me on a continuing quest to understand the Atonement and the power that flows from it. Life would have crushed me long ago if I hadn’t learned how to access the Savior’s power. He has carried me and healed my heart again and again.

Today I do stand as a witness that the Lord visits His people in their afflictions. Priesthood power is real. Angels are real, and they really do minister through a very thin veil. The Savior really is filled with healing, enabling power, and He can ease our burdens and strengthen us when we feel weaker than weak. The path of discipleship is actually the easiest path because the Lord’s love for us has no end—which is why the fruit of the tree is sweet above all that is sweet.

Jesus Christ is going to come again. Every knee is going to bow and every tongue confess that He is the Christ. I know these things are true. May we be determined to unlock His power to help us be the disciples we want to be.

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Feedback: Send comments on this article to magazine@byu.edu.

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This article is adapted from a BYU Women’s Conference address given May 1, 2014, by Sheri L. Dew, president and CEO of Deseret Book Company. The full text and video of the address are available at womensconference.byu.edu.

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Notes

1. Bible Dictionary, s.v. “grace,” p. 697; emphasis added.

2. David A. Bednar, “Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease,” Ensign, May 2014, pp. 89–90.

3. Bruce R. McConkie, A New Witness for the Articles of Faith, (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1985), p. 149.

4. Jeffrey R. Holland, For Times of Trouble, (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2013), p. 45; see also Ps. 18:36 and 94:18–29.

5. “Great Indignation Meeting,” Deseret Evening News, Jan. 15, 1870, p. 2.

6. Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught that spiritual gifts “are infinite in number and endless in their manifestations because God himself is infinite and endless” (New Witness, p. 270).

7. Elder Bruce R. McConkie said that the “doctrine of the priesthood—unknown in the world and but little known even in the Church—cannot be learned out of the scriptures alone . . . . The doctrine of the priesthood is known only by personal revelation” (Bruce R. McConkie, “The Doctrine of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 1982, p. 32).

8. See Sheri L. Dew, Women and the Priesthood (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2013), especially chapter 6.

9. Dallin H. Oaks, “The Keys and Authority of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 2014, p. 51.

10. M. Russell Ballard, “Let Us Think Straight,” BYU Campus Education Week devotional address, Aug. 20, 2013 (available atspeeches.byu.edu); see also D&C 109:15, 22.

11. Bruce R. McConkie, “Our Sisters from the Beginning,” Ensign, January 1979, p. 61.

12. Dallin H. Oaks, “The Challenge to Become,” Ensign, November 2000, p. 32.

13. See Howard W. Hunter, “Fear Not, Little Flock,” BYU devotional address, March 14, 1989 (available at speeches.byu.edu).

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Copyright 2011 by Brigham Young University.

The lioness At The Gate - Julie B. Beck

"I have said lately that women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. She guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her. For example, if the lioness at the gate believes in the law of tithing, tithing will be paid in that family. If that family has a humble little portion of ten pesos coming in, that lioness will safeguard the one peso if tithing is important to her. If that lioness at the gate knows about renewing her baptismal covenants with God, she will be in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and she will prepare her children to be there. They will be washed, cleaned, combed, and taught about that meeting and what happens there. It isn’t a casual event, but it is serious to her, and it will be serious to them. The lioness at the gate ensures that temple worship is taken care of in the family. She encourages that participation. She cares about seeking after her ancestors. If the lioness at the gate knows about and understands missions, missionaries, and the mission of the house of Israel, she will prepare future missionaries to go out from that home. It is very difficult to get a lion cub away from a lioness who doesn’t believe in missions, but if the lioness believes in a mission, she will devote her life to preparing the cub to go out and serve the Lord. That’s how important she is. Service happens if she cares about it." 

Establishing Priorities by Julie B. Beck z(byu womens conf 2010)

Establishing Priorities 

"Years ago I began using a system that works for me, and maybe it will work for you. There was a time when I needed to prioritize, and in one of those sacred meetings between me and the Lord, He gave me three categories that I have worked from, and they have been a guide in my life. The categories are the essential things, the necessary things, and the nice-to-do things. I started writing those things down. I asked, “What has to go in the category of essential?” What things must be taken care of, and if I don’t take care of them, the blessings of eternal life won’t be mine nor will they be my family’s.

I wrote at the top of the essential list revelation. I have to be able to know the mind and will of God. Therefore, I have to do the things in my life that put me in a position to hear His voice. Reading the scriptures then became an essential for me because the scriptures contain the mind and will of God, and by reading and studying from them, I can hear His voice and receive His guidance in all aspects of my life. I came up with a simple rule that was easy for me to keep: Every day I will spend some time in the scriptures. The accumulative power and learning of that commitment has changed my life and helped me learn daily the mind and will of God.

Personal prayer took on new meaning when I knew that I needed to know the mind and will of God. I have taken a paper and pencil with me most of the time since then to my prayers. I don’t 

always receive an answer or instruction, but I am ready. I want to be ready to learn what the Lord would have me do in my day. Who needs my help? How can I increase my faith this day? How can I strengthen my family? What things do I need to correct in order to be worthy to receive His Spirit? He will tell me.

Taking time to ponder and fast with sincerity took on added meaning when I knew that revelation was an essential for me. Making covenants and keeping covenants is on the essential list. Going to sacrament meeting and repenting every week took on added meaning. Going to the temple and fulfilling that responsibility frequently became an essential. Sharing the gospel is something the Lord tells us is an essential, and we are charged as part of the house of Israel to share that message. I need to open my mouth and find ways to share and express my testimony. Service took on added meaning. The Lord said if you want eternal life, give all that you have and follow me.4 So those things went on my essentials list. The list wasn’t very long, but there were essential things that I could see to and make sure that they were taken care of.

On my necessary list, then, went some other things. I started thinking about my home and family and what was necessary to create an environment or climate where the Spirit of the Lord would be. There were some necessary things to take care of. Homemaking took on a new meaning for me. I wanted to make a home where the Spirit of the Lord was present. That meant that even mundane tasks like picking things up and cleaning, became necessary to keep a house of order. I wanted to model my house after the temple. Though that is the ideal, it has never been that perfect. We have to live there after all. A house is peopled with people. People make messes, and we can’t be little soldiers, but it made a difference to me to know that I wanted a house of order. It became a priority to make a place where the Spirit of the Lord could come.

Cooking meals for my family took on added meaning because I needed a place to teach and gather and have the Lord’s Spirit there. It was important to invest my effort in making a home.

At one time I was going through some challenges, and one of my daughters came home from school and put another item on my necessary list. I said, “I don’t feel like I’m contributing what I should or what I could,” and she said, “You could smile. Mother, you could smile.” I thought, “That is a great service.” Smiling took on added meaning for me. Being happy around my family and other people was necessary.

I learned some things from the scriptures—that it is necessary to teach my children to pray and walk uprightly before the Lord. Things like family home evening and time recreating with our family became more necessary and more important. I thought more about my husband and supporting him, and I studied Doctrine and Covenants section 25, in which the Lord tells Emma Smith to be a comfort to her husband with consoling words and a spirit of meekness.5 That took on more importance, and it was more necessary to me to be kind to my husband and to support him in his heavy responsibilities. I also learned from that section in verse 10 to “lay aside the 

things of [the] world, and seek for the things of a better,” to not ask him to provide things for me we couldn’t afford but value the things that were important for our family—to “seek for the things of a better” and not be tantalized by “the things of the world” that were glamorous. Becoming self-reliant became more important to me.

I have been reviewing Elder Hales’s words in his talk on provident living and self-reliance about debt.6 When we go into debt, we give away some of our precious, priceless agency and place ourselves in self-imposed servitude. As our freedom is diminished by debt, increasing hopelessness depletes us physically, depresses us mentally, burdens us spiritually. Our self- image is affected, as well as our relationships with our spouse and children, with our friends and neighbors, and ultimately with the Lord.

Becoming self-reliant temporally affects our spiritual self-reliance, and we are going to need to be more temporally self-reliant in the days to come in order to have strong spirits and help the Lord.

Loving one another goes on the necessary list and a few other things. You can make your own list of what is necessary, but there are things that are essential and things that are necessary in order for us to fulfill our responsibilities in the house of Israel and to fulfill our mission.

The third category has to do with the nice-to-do things. Those are crafts and hobbies and recreational reading and movies and travel and lunches with friends. A lot of women call this “time out.” These things won’t save us. They add variety to our lives, but they won’t save us. When our priorities are on that list, and our time is devoted to those nice-to-do things, our priorities are out of order, and we lose power.

To walk with the Lord, we have to know what is essential, what is necessary, and what is nice to do. There is a lot to do, but I find that it is amazing how much I get to do on my nice-to-do list. The Lord blesses us with those mercies, but only if the other priorities are in order." 

Parenting: Everything to Do with the Heart BY PATRICIA T. HOLLAND

This is another wonderful talk by Praticia Holland!!  I love how she shares quite personal experiences and recalls how difficult things could be BUT that she was able to make righteous parenting decisions by coming to The Lord in humble prayer....

"When a four-year-old was asked recently why her baby brother was crying, she looked at the baby, thought for a moment and then she said, “Well, if you had no hair, no teeth, and your legs were wobbly, you would cry too.”

We all come into the world crying—and a little bit wobbly. For parents to take a newborn infant, who is then only a bundle of potentialities, and love and guide and develop that child until a fully functional human being emerges is the grandest miracle of science, and the greatest of all arts.

When the Lord created parents, he created something breathtakingly close to what he is. We who have borne children innately know that this is the highest of callings, the holiest of assignments—and that is why the slightest failure can cause us crippling despair.

Even with our best intentions and our most heartfelt efforts, some of us find our children not turning out the way we’d like. They are sometimes very difficult to communicate with. They might be struggling in school or emotionally distressed or openly rebellious or painfully shy. There are lots of reasons why they may still be wobbling a bit.

And it seems that even if our children are not having problems, a nagging uneasiness keeps us wondering how we can keep them off such painful paths. At odd moments we find ourselves thinking, “Am I doing a good job? Are they going to make it? Should I spank them or should I reason with them? Should I control them or should I just ignore them? Reality has a way of making the best of us feel shaky as a parent.

I just reread this recently from my journal, written when I was a young and a very anxious mother:

“I continually pray that I will never do anything to injure my children emotionally. If I ever do cause them to hurt in any way, I pray they will know I did it unwittingly. I cry often inside for things I may have said and done thoughtlessly, and I pray not to repeat these transgressions. I pray that I haven’t done anything to damage my dream of what I want these children to become. I hunger for help and a guide—particularly when I feel that I have failed them.”

Well, rereading that after all these years makes me feel my children are turning out surprisingly well for having had such a basket case for a mother. And I share that with you because what I have wanted most of all to convey to you is that I am one of you—a parent, carrying a bundle of guilt for past mistakes, shaky confidence for the present, and fear of future failing. Above all, I have wanted every parent within the sound of my voice to have hope.

Inasmuch as almost none of us is a professional in child development, you can imagine why I was so encouraged to hear this from one who is. A faculty member at Brigham Young University said to me one day: “Pat, parenting has almost nothing to do with training. It has everything to do with your heart.” When I asked him to explain further he said:

“Often parents feel the reason they do not communicate with their children is that they are not skillful enough. Communication is not nearly as much a matter of skill as it is of attitude. When our attitude is one of broken-heartedness and humility, of love and interest in our children’s welfare, then that cultivates communication. Our children recognize that effort on our part. On the other hand, when we are impatient, hostile, or resentful, it doesn’t matter what words we choose or how we try to camouflage our feelings. That attitude will be felt by their discerning hearts.”

Jacob in the Book of Mormon said we must all come down in the depths of humility and consider ourselves fools before God if we would have him open the gate of heaven to us. (2 Ne. 9:42.)

That humility, including our ability to admit our mistakes, seems to be fundamental both for receiving divine help and for earning our children’s respect.

My daughter is a musically talented young woman. For many years I felt that this talent would not be developed unless I loomed over her at the piano and insistently supervised her practice like a Simon Legree. One day, sometime in her early teens, I realized that my attitude, probably once useful, was now visibly affecting our relationship. Torn between a fear that she would not fully develop a God-given talent and the reality of an increasingly strained relationship over that very issue, I did what I had seen my own mother do when faced with a serious challenge. I sequestered myself in my secret place and poured out my soul in prayer, seeking the only wisdom that could help me keep that communication open—the kind of wisdom and help that comes from the tongues of angels. Upon arising from my knees, I knew what action I must take.

Because it was just three days before Christmas, I gave to Mary as a personal gift an apron from which I had conspicuously cut the apron strings. There was a tiny pocket on the apron in which I tucked a note. It read: “Dear Mary, I’m sorry for the conflict I have caused by acting like a federal marshall at the piano. I must have looked foolish there—just you and me and my six-shooters. Forgive me. You are becoming a young woman in your own right. I have only worried that you would not feel as fully confident and fulfilled as a woman if you left your talent unfinished. I love you. Mom.”

Later that day she sought me out, and in a quiet corner of our home, she said: “Mother, I know you want what is best for me, and I have known that all my life. But if I’m ever going to play the piano well, I’m the one who has to do the practicing, not you!” Then she threw her arms around me and with tears in her eyes she said, “I’ve been wondering how to teach you that—and somehow you figured it out on your own.” Now, by her own choice, she has gone on to even more disciplined musical development. And I am always nearby to encourage her.

As Mary and I reminisced about this experience a few years later, she confided in me that my willingness to say “I’m sorry, I’ve made a mistake, please forgive me” gave to her a great sense of self-worth, because it said to her that she was worthy enough for a parental apology, that sometimes children can be right. I wonder if personal revelation ever comes without counting ourselves as fools before God? I wonder if reaching and teaching our children requires becoming more childlike ourselves? Shouldn’t we share our deepest fears and pain with them, as well as our highest hopes and joys, instead of simply trying to lecture and dominate and reprove them again and again?

I would like to close with an experience that occurred just this month.

For three days in a row, my son Duffy (who is our eleven-year-old linebacker) leaped from some hidden corner of our home to throw a body block on me, Super Bowl style. The last time he did this, in my effort to avoid the blitz, I fell on the floor and knocked over the lamp and found my fight elbow wedged up somewhere near my eyebrow. I completely lost my patience, and I scolded him dearly for making me his tackling dummy.

His response melted my heart when he said with tears rolling down both cheeks, “But, Mom, you’re the best friend a guy could have. I thought this was as much fun for you as it was for me.” Then he added, “For a long time now I’ve planned what I will say in my first interview as a Heisman Trophy winner. When they ask me how I got to be so great, I’ll tell them, ‘I practiced on my mother!’”

Every child has to practice on his mother, and in a more important way, every mother has to practice on her child. That is God’s way for parent and child to work out their salvation. I mentioned earlier that we all come into the world crying. Considering all the humbling purposes of life, perhaps it is understandable that we will continue to shed a tear or two from time to time. But it helps us to always remember that these are God’s children as well as ours. And above all, it should give us a perfect brightness of hope to know that when we need help we can go through the veil to get it."

Lds endign 1985 

By Persuasion, long suffering, meekness and love

"Persuasion and the Gospel

We recognize that the greatest power on our planet—the power to act in the name of God, or the priesthood—can be “handled only upon the principles of righteousness” (D&C 121:36). This concept is part of what President Dieter F. Uchtdorf recently referred to as the “owner’s manual” of the priesthood (“Your Potential, Your Privilege,” Ensign, May 2011, 59) and what President Heber J. Grant noted to be one of his most oft-quoted verses from the Doctrine and Covenants:

No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile. [D&C 121:41–42; see Heber J. Grant, CR, October 1923, 159]

Why are these principles of power and influence included together? What does it say about persuasion, long-suffering, meekness, and love, among other virtues, that makes them essential? And how can they be applied in the myriad of social interactions we have as lifelong learners and disciples?

Early in the Book of Mormon, Lehi had a dream in which his family was commanded to obtain critical records on plates of brass. The only problem was that these records were located somewhere other than where his family was, and it meant doing something that several of his sons weren’t planning on nor were enthused about doing—namely, going back.

Lacking agreement, after “consult[ing] one with another” (1 Nephi 3:10), the sons made the decision on who would face Laban by casting lots. Laman was chosen to head back to Jerusalem. He subsequently failed to get the plates and returned to tell his brothers the bad news.

At this point the brothers were finished, but Nephi wasn’t willing to give up just yet. He gave them a charge:

As the Lord liveth, and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have accomplished the thing which the Lord hath commanded us. [1 Nephi 3:15]

His directive was followed by a series of reasons including the need to be faithful, the context of Jerusalem’s wickedness and its imminent destruction, and the key role of the records for linguistic and spiritual continuity. His plea worked.

And it came to pass that after this manner of language did I persuade my brethren, that they might be faithful in keeping the commandments of God. [1 Nephi 3:21]

In this case Nephi persuaded his brothers to do what they should have already understood was the right thing to do—to go and try again to get the plates. But just like us, they needed to be engaged in a conversation, to be reminded and persuaded. It is interesting to note that for some reason the brothers didn’t have a hard time returning once more to Jerusalem to persuade Ishmael and his daughters to join them in the wilderness.

Later on we see how their attitude changed when they lost their commitment to their father’s vision and escalated to violence against their little brother. At that point their choices were mitigated by an angel; but Nephi’s efforts throughout illustrate the process of persuasion and show how dialogue played an important part in Nephi’s relationship to his family and his commitment to truth.

"Persuasion is widely perceived as a skill reserved for selling products and closing deals. It is also commonly seen as just another form of manipulation—devious and to be avoided. Certainly, persuasion can be used in selling and deal-clinching situations, and it can be misused to manipulate people. But exercised constructively and to its full potential, persuasion supersedes sales and is quite the opposite of deception. Effective persuasion becomes a negotiating and learning process through which a persuader leads colleagues to a problem’s shared solution.Persuasion does indeed involve moving people to a position they don’t currently hold, but not by begging or cajoling. Instead, it involves careful preparation, the proper framing of arguments, the presentation of vivid supporting evidence, and the effort to find the correct emotional match with your audience. [Jay A. Conger, “The Necessary Art of Persuasion,” Harvard Business Review, May–June 1998, 86; emphasis added]

Indeed, we know that persuasion is a theme that cuts across many different academic and professional fields. In an even larger sense, persuasion is at the core of the learning process because it changes the way we perceive and understand reality, influencing our attitudes and creating our vision of the world.

Learning involves active engagement in introducing, evaluating, and deciding what ideas have merit and what do not. As a proud graduate of this institution, I feel that one of my formative learning experiences occurred in honors courses where Dean Hal Miller took us into a world of new “conversations” where we could engage in a discussion with some of the greatest minds and on important topics in the world of ideas. We wrestled with Plato, plumbed the Bhagavad Gita, pondered St. Augustine, and wrote alongside Montaigne. Our job as students was to read, question, and determine what was persuasive and what was not. More often than not we missed the point; yet Dr. Miller carefully and patiently explained and answered questions as we stumbled along the path of learning.

As Latter-day Saints, our spiritual foundation influences all aspects of our learning, professions, and family life. Also, experiencing give-and-take and intellectual back-and-forth helps us to increase our understanding and ideally make better decisions, as Hugh Nibley explained in a talk given to Pi Sigma Alpha, the political science honor society:

A discussion with God is not a case of agreeing or disagreeing with Him—who is in a position to do that?—but of understanding Him. What Abraham and Ezra and Enoch asked was, “Why?” Socrates showed that teaching is a dialogue, a discussion. As long as the learner is in the dark he should protest and argue and question, for that is the best way to bring problems into focus, while the teacher patiently and cheerfully explains, delighted that his pupil has enough interest and understanding to raise questions—the more passionate, the more promising. There is a place for discussion and participation in the government of the kingdom. [“Beyond Politics,” Nibley on the Timely and the Timeless, 2nd ed. (Provo: Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University, 2004), 306; emphasis in original]

But persuasion is merely a tool, and instruments can be used for differing moral purposes (see Moroni 7:17). Thus it seems essential that section 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants places persuasion in close quarters with at least three qualities previously introduced: namely, meekness, long-suffering, and love. These virtues can modify and direct our persuasive efforts, especially as we interact in a world filled with conflict, strife, and disagreement. Let’s consider each virtue separately as we try to understand how they relate to our efforts in persuasion.

Long-Suffering

Defined, long-suffering means “an enduring disposition” or “having endured mental or physical discomfort for a protracted period of time patiently or without complaint.” It might seem a stretch to our modern world, but if we hope to persuade others, we must listen to their concerns and create a space for others to engage in conversation, just as Nephi did with his siblings.

Orson Scott Card, an LDS author and frequent columnist, recently observed the following:

Even within our country, some Latter-day Saints will strongly disagree with others about the actions of our government. Because I have written extensively on political matters, I have received many letters from Saints who disagree with me, asking, “How can you hold that opinion and still be a faithful Latter-day Saint?” (Of course, some of the letters are not so politely worded.)

I get such letters about equally from the left and the right, and about almost every topic I’ve covered. . . .

But the point of freedom is that we should not assume that people who disagree with us are unworthy of full membership in our community, or that their voices should not be heard.

On the contrary, it is essential that all voices be heard in order to reach wise decisions that take into account the needs and judgments of all people. [In the Village, “No Nation Is Devoid of Error,” MormonTimes.com, 2 July 2009; emphasis in original]

Students are especially adept at and enjoy new opportunities in social media, in which an incredibly wide range of viewpoints, ideas, and arguments resides. On occasion I have watched with horror as my Facebook page became the staging ground for battles of opposing views mirroring many newspaper discussion boards, sports websites, blogs, and anywhere else that open (and especially anonymous) interaction is allowed. My students tell me that it’s appropriate to delete or censor my online “friends,” but I secretly hope that their inner angels will help these commenters regain a sense of decorum, if not a measure of kindness.

Henry David Thoreau wrote, “Thaw with his gentle persuasion is more powerful than Thor with his hammer. The one melts, the other but breaks in pieces” (Walden [1854], 17, Spring). And yet it seems that some of my “friends” would rather be Nordic superheroes than forces of nature. That’s because the language and tone of many comments online preclude a conversation. Discussions can become less about respecting or enduring other views and more about making our point heard.

These discussion enders may be insensitive responses, but as part of communities—especially learning communities—they become deal breakers that replace dialogue with an awkward silence at best and “sharpness” at worst, usually without the “increase of love” we are advised to employ afterward (D&C 121:43). More important, they demonstrate a lack of long-suffering in our demeanor because we don’t want to have to listen to something that doesn’t fit our thinking. We recognize that not all ideas are equal or even correct—that is why we need to learn. But being long-suffering increases our chances of gaining understanding, and it keeps us connected to those in the discussion.

Clearly this is a very small part of being long-suffering, as many with greater trials can attest. But this important virtue may give us resolve to find ways to stay connected, to be patient, and to try and better understand others.

Meekness

Meekness is another virtue recommended to us, and, like the others, it is a subject matter unto itself. We know that personal growth occurs best when we submit to God’s will, but as President Ezra Taft Benson taught, “Either we can choose to be humble or we can be compelled to be humble” (“Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989, 6). One way that we can immediately experience our limitations is through cross-cultural interactions on our smaller, more globalized world.

Cultural differences are rarely more apparent than when we experience another place firsthand. Last year our family traveled across Europe, and while contending with different food, language, and environments—mostly in large, urban cities—our eight-year-old son Jack concluded, “In Turkey they don’t seem to understand our personal space or our family bubble.” In fact, he and his younger brother were regularly pinched, patted, observed, and remarked upon, and he wasn’t really prepared for all of that attention. Buses were crowded, unlike the one he’s used to riding. City streets were filled with a myriad of smells, sights, and sounds that were unfamiliar and even frightening at times. Many things seemed so very different to us—from electric plugs to the experience of worshipping with sixty members of the Church in a city of 13 million people.

In these instances we can withdraw, retreat, or even become outright defensive. We can also fail to see what is happening before us. But when we approach these new cultural adventures with meekness and humility, we can begin to understand our limitations in new ways. In a letter to Edward Partridge and the Church, Joseph Smith wrote from Liberty Jail:

We ought always to be aware of those prejudices which sometimes so strangely present themselves, and are so congenial to human nature, against our friends, neighbors, and brethren of the world, who choose to differ from us in opinion and in matters of faith. Our religion is between us and our God. Their religion is between them and their God. [HC 3:303–4]

Elder Neal A. Maxwell, nearly thirty years ago, addressed this topic here at Brigham Young University, noting:

In the ecology of the eternal attributes these cardinal characteristics are inextricably bound up together. Among them, meekness is often the initiator, the facilitator, and the consolidator.

He further explains the link to persuasion this way:

Since God desired to have us become like Himself, He first had to make us free, to learn, to choose, and to experience; hence our humility and teachability are premiere determinants of our progress and our happiness. Agency is essential to perfectibility, and meekness is essential to the wise use of agency—and to our recovery when we have misused our agency. . . .

In contrast, we see in ourselves, brothers and sisters, the unnecessary multiplication of words—not only a lack of clarity, but vanity. Our verbosity is often a cover for insincerity or uncertainty. Meekness, the subtraction of self, reduces the multiplication of words.

Without meekness, the conversational point we insist on making often takes the form of I, that spearlike, vertical pronoun. Meekness, however, is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness. It reflects certitude, strength, serenity; it reflects a healthy self-esteem and a genuine self-control. [“Meekly Drenched in Destiny,” BYU fireside address, 5 September 1982; emphasis in original]

Love

Finally, an über-virtue that guides our persuasion efforts is real love. This may well be the hardest part of a gospel approach, because it is so easy for us to become enamored with our own ideas, accomplishments, and interests. It’s also quite difficult to love at close range when our family, friends, or colleagues don’t appreciate our efforts. And it’s even harder still when we face down our real or perceived enemies.

For over five years I attended a number of United Nations conferences in New York, Nairobi, Geneva, and elsewhere in which I was involved in lengthy negotiations with countries and groups that had opposing views on a number of policy issues. This competition of ideas—common to the sports arena, courtroom, and marketplace, or among the electorate—often led to zero-sum outcomes through long negotiation. Try as we might to break through and find common ground, discussions were difficult, and both sides were regularly frustrated. Some of these differences were structural, but I was struck by the degree to which our opposing sides displayed personal animosity and even open hostility.

We occasionally had hard-won victories at the expense of the other side. The lack of empathy was readily apparent, and in some ways understandable. Since then I have often thought about these experiences and what was to be learned.

Recently, someone who has been involved in these very issues was interviewed. In talking about how to address these types of intractable conflicts, she said that as a result of thinking about them over a long period of time, she recognized the need for and advocated a type of sportsmanship that seems to me to be an essential part of a Christian approach in such areas:

The need to approach others with enthusiasm for difference is absolutely critical to any change. You know . . . I’m the toughest of fighters. And you know I love a good fight. And I love to win. But I think what I have learned is that you have got to approach differences with this notion that there is good in the other. And that if we can’t figure out how to do that and if there isn’t the crack in the middle where there are some people on both sides who absolutely refuse to see the other as evil, this is going to continue. [“Listening Beyond Life and Choice,” radio interview with Frances Kissling, Being, 20 January 2011; Krista Tippett, host; http://being.publicradio.org/programs/2011/listening-beyond/transcript.shtml]

How do we meekly, patiently, and lovingly engage with others, especially when the stakes are the highest? For me this gospel ideal of love warrants our serious consideration. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf observed:

We must realize that all of God’s children wear the same jersey. Our team is the brotherhood of man. This mortal life is our playing field. Our goal is to learn to love God and to extend that same love toward our fellowman. We are here to live according to His law and establish the kingdom of God. We are here to build, uplift, treat fairly, and encourage all of Heavenly Father’s children. [“Pride and the Priesthood,” Ensign, November 2010, 56]

There will always be times when we must take a stand for what is right. But I believe that we can try to do so in a loving and genuine manner, avoiding ad hominem and mean-spirited attacks. I recognize that possessing love unfeigned is extremely challenging, but I have seen examples throughout my life from my parents, wife, colleagues, and students that give me hope.

Changing Minds and Hearts

Recently, the filmmaker Sidney Lumet passed away. He was known for a remarkable film titled 12 Angry Men, which portrays the compelling transformation of wide-ranging attitudes in a short period of time. In the film a young man of low social status has been accused of murdering his father. As the title suggests, twelve jurors are chosen to deliberate his fate, and they bring with them lifetimes of experience, pain, and perspective.

The entire 1957 film version takes place in one room and occurs in real time. Initially it appears to be an open-and-shut trial. But one lone juror—Juror #8, played by Henry Fonda— quietly voices his dissenting opinion. He does so through the first part of the film by listening quietly, thoughtfully assessing each juror’s view, and asking probing questions.

As the film progresses, it becomes clear that he is beginning to persuade other jurors, one by one, but the way in which he does it still surprises me. Through continued engagement with the other men—including the one last holdout juror—and a great deal of silence and discussion, Juror #8 eventually persuades all eleven to the “not guilty” conclusion.

Ultimately, it may be more important how we are persuaded rather than how we persuade. For, while changing our mind is important in learning, the opening of our hearts is critical to our salvation. The scriptures teach that we may know truth and that we may be persuaded “to do good” and to “believe in Christ” through the power of the Spirit (Moroni 7:16; see Ether 4:11–12). Opening our hearts can lead to the greatest blessings.

In the hymn “That Easter Morn,” we sing that Christ overcame “pain,” He overcame “death,” and He can help us overcome “fear” (Hymns, 1985, no. 198). Perhaps it is fear that limits much of our ability to listen, learn, persuade—and be persuaded—by others and by the Holy Spirit of God.

I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that gives us a restart in our frequent frailties and pray that we may be better able to enjoy the full range of discourse and discussion as Christians in the broader world around us, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1948